Vacations for me are a rare thing. Probably so rare that they could be placed on an endangered species list. For some reason, I have to be pretty much pestered into taking a vacation…but even when I DO take one, I never really know what to do with myself. Guess that’s what happens when you escape puberty and get into adult life…especially when you get hitched and spawn offspring. Some say it’s a trap in life, but I disagree….there can be plenty of fun to be had….you just have to know where to find it.
I’m finding I need to go back to my roots and find what it is that drives me forward. What drives me on to be the person I am, and then re-fine-tune the purpose behind it. It’s kind of like going down a road, and then you keep going, but the road has disappeared. You’re still driving, you’re in the air, but for some reason you are not travelling in any direction – even down. I do love my art, but have had the need to rediscover what art is to me. I knew what it was all the way into the nineties, but then I seem to have lost my way somewhere along the line. Perhaps I just need to clear my head a little bit, and then I’ll know more for sure. I’m successful, sure. Some might say I’m doing well. But all the time, you also have to fill up on the inside, and while I’ve been doing some of that, I know I need more – I need that personal rush that comes from being the creative soul that I am.
I remember the days when rows of computers would be lined up, and I’d write some few paragraphs done from the perspective of the computer, and then would leave it for people to discover. I’d sit somewhere down the aisle and then watch and see how many people actually stopped to read what was on the screen before moving on – or the employee would clear out what I had done. Guess some people just have no appreciation for written art. I’m still working on a story I had started back in 1986, and someday it will be done. I suppose it’s just a matter of refocusing my energies. I know I can do it…it’s just a matter of time – but also keeping in mind not to take TOO long in doing it.
Somewhere is that magic formula inside my muse’s mind….the mind’s eye will open again someday. 🙂