I think the heading says it all here. I need a change, or inspiration, or something. It seems to not matter if I am here in the middle of nowhere, in Denver, in California – I could be in Tokyo right now, and I don’t think it would matter much (although in Tokyo, it might creep up slower, admittedly). It seems my inspiration has left me, and now I am just spinning my wheels, mired in the everyday, mundane routine that seems to have consumed my life in one whole gulp. I have to ask myself “What happened?” What on earth happened that caused this? It seems I only have myself to blame. Maybe it’s working 4 10-hour shifts instead of 5 8-hour ones? At one time I wanted to get certified in many things computer-wise…..but now I seem apathetic to the whole thing. It’s gotten to the point where I’m just banging my head against the cogs of the corporate machine. I have the ability to get ahead in strides, yet every time I ask what I should do, they bring up little nitnoy things like………..ties.
I’m thinking……..TIES? What the effing world does THAT have to do with how much I know? Oh yeah…….we’re all still shallow beings here, hung up on such trivialities such as those. Makes me think I should get A+ certified, and then start up my own computer business. I can do it (fix computers) – I’ve done it before, and I like to think I’m fairly good at it. Maybe I’m in the wrong field? But……how can I insert my passion into something that doesn’t even see it unless I have a noose around my neck?
I know I know…….why am I rebelling against this? It’s SILLY, that’s why! I have passions just like everyone else. I can embellish a great story – I can draw up scenes from my mind – I can tinker about electronics and not get myself shocked……I can do a lot of things, but it seems you either have to have some piece of paper that you pay obscene amounts of money for, or have to conform to some silly outdated fashion flair. Next thing you know, they’d want a different one for every single application so you don’t appear outdated. I’m so sick of my everyday routine consisting of getting up, having breakfast, then go to work, and by the time I get home, the only time I have is to have some late dinner (maybe play a game with the family), and then go to bed again. What the f**k kind of life is this? I have a fear that I’m going to get burned out to the point where I just don’t care about anything anymore, and then do something stupid and lose it all……….again. No…don’t feel sorry for me….go chase your dreams and aspirations. Just don’t get a paper cut on your diploma or accidentally hang yourself with a silk noose. That just wouldn’t be right.