Normally, I’m all about change. I like it when things change, BUT……..this year, change has bitten me in the nethers pretty hard. I think back to 1999, which was one year after I moved away from my home town, I found out I had lost my father – that hit me pretty hard, and it took a while to get over it. I’m not sure why – perhaps being two states away distanced me from the pain to a degree. Flash forward to this year, and just two days after my birthday, I lost my mother. This one hit me like someone dropping a galaxy-class starship directly on top of my skull – something I was hoping on hope was not happening – I hoped that she would fight her way through it, but the combination of one chemotherapy treatment, and then catching a flu bug – it was too much for her to fight, and I lost her.
I know people lose their parents – it happens, BUT…….you’re never ready for it. It’s like the last apron string gets violently ripped from your hands and you’re left to what feels like being all alone – no matter how many people are around you. You spend that first week crying more than you ever have in your life, and then you feel drained, like something has sucked every last bit of happiness from your life (kind of like Harry Potter in a way).
Yes…….you feel hurt – you feel like you want to turn back the clock and do things over again, but unfortunately, no one has invented time travel yet to do such a thing, and so the march goes inexorably forward. Could you do things differently if you had the chance? Maybe, but things just don’t work that way. It’s not fair – or at least it doesn’t feel that way. Thankfully, I have friends, family, and my faith in God that has helped me through this time, and although it may not be totally over, I feel that God has helped me to feel some peace and comfort through this tough time. My friends have never given up on me, and my family has been very awesome. I am grateful for all of them.
Pain still sucks though……….it always does.