Do I embrace what I really want – or try to hold back? I look at my new picture and think that yes…..this is how I want to be, and I rather like what I see. Is it too femme? I don’t think so, but hey……perception is very subjective. Some think I’m turning into a woman.
I have to laugh. That’s really not possible, as I can’t see myself going through massive hours of mental therapy, physical therapy, and spend thousands of dollars on procedures taht unless you keep pouring money into upkeeping the hormones, then it pretty much falls flat anyway.
I’ll settle for faking it with style. I think, with effort, guys can be just as beautiful as the ladies. I think the Victorian era would have been a wonderful time to be, as everyone was fancy back in those days!
I think it’s kinda funny how things have been in the last couple of years or so. When I moved back to Billings, I thought that I’d never be able to “come out” again. I know that’s usually a term reserved for the GLBT circles, but I think of it in a similar context for me. I don’t feel entirely male, yet I know that’s what I am biologically. I don’t like the typical male attire or aesthetics, so of course I shift over to what would traditionally be the “female” side of life. To me, there is no division one way or the other – that’s just the world/society view of life, which could do with some shaking up anyway.
I’ve slowly, over time, started experimenting with my fashion and appearance, and to satisfactorily positive results, which for where I am living now, is actually quite the revelation. I’ve had support from family, friends, and most surprising, my colleagues that I work around. It’s rather nice getting compliments from those you work around, nnd I think ir quite ironic that the women seem interested in seeing what I’m going to do next. Maybe it’s just a curiosity thing for them, or maybe they are interested. Maybe they see that someone is trying to live a different way, which in of itself, interests them.
Either way, it’s all good. I’ve not had any problems with it, which is again rather striking, considering where I am, but perhaps people in this area have finally realized that we no longer live in the stone age, and being a bit different can have it’s good side.
So yes….I am a fixture….one with just a few more embellishments than some.